Undisclosed Desires
by Zeopraxis
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive is breaking apart, and there may be nothing to put him back together. Rated T for mentions of self harm and super angst-ness. Sebaciel (if you squint I guess). One-shot.


Kuroshitsuji: Undisclosed Desires

**_A/N:_**** Yes hello my dear ones. Just a few things before we start:**

**1. Sadly, I do not own Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) or the characters. **

**2. This is a sad story so prepare the tissues.**

**3. ****_I personally don't believe_**** that Sebastian is a heartless bastard who doesn't give a damn about Ciel.**

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy!**

Ciel Phantomhive sat quietly, alone in the darkness of his room. The late evening sun was covered with a thick layer of cumulonimbus clouds that stretched along the sky as far as the eye could see. He sat next to his open window. His curtains shifted slightly in the breeze. He took a deep breath in through his nose, smelling he scent of the rain as it began to fall. He exhaled, opening his eyes wide as he did. His eye-patch was removed, showing the mark of the contract seal on his left iris. Though it had faded ever so slightly, it was still a visible reminder of the deal he had with his demon butler, Sebastian Michaelis. Though now, he thought, I was more than just a contract. It was something else. Something unexpected. It was a friendship. Over the years they had formed a bond that could not be broken. But lately, it seemed, they had been drifting apart. Ciel was frequently grief stricken and often sick. In the time that the boy was locked away in his room, they're relationship began to falter. Now, they had very little leisurely contact with each other.

The youth sighed. Though he'd never admit it, he missed his butler. Yet he had no idea if Sebastian missed him as well, and that thought hurt Ciel the most. He would frequently hurt himself for being so standoffish. He would rarely ever eat, making himself sick and pale and terribly thin. He had scars on his wrists and hands where he blamed himself for the pain of others. He had burns where he punished himself for things beyond his control. He wanted to tell the damned demon how hopeless and helpless he felt, nevertheless he couldn't bring himself to face him. He was beginning to fall apart and there was nothing he could do to stop himself.

He felt his chest tighten and tears at the edge of his eyes. He wanted to scream, but he would never let Sebastian see him or hear him become so weak. Ciel wasn't afraid of his butler seeing him so unstable, he was ashamed of it. He was ashamed of everything he had become and he couldn't let anybody else discover it.

There was a faint knock at the door, but the boy had not been paying attention. Tears slid down his cheeks and landed softly on his sleeves. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his fragile arms around his legs. He buried his face into the fabric of his pants and quietly sobbed. He slowly rocked back and forth, making the chair he was sitting in creak slightly. There was another knock. This time Ciel had heard it but decided to ignore it. He was not in any moon to socialize with anybody or anything. But he ached for attention from Sebastian.

Sebastian Michaelis stood outside of his master's door. His gloved hand raised to rap against the wood once more. But again he received no response from the resident inside the bedroom. Sebastian sighed, grabbing the gold tinted doorknob. He stopped. _Should I disturb him and run the risk of being punished? Or let his supper go cold?_ He thought to himself. He moved his hand from the knob and positioned to knock again, but the door opened just before he did. He looked down to see the young earl Phantomhive. His black eye-patch was removed, but his dark grey, almost blue, hair covered most of the left side of his face.

"Good evening, Master. I have prepared dinner for you-" Sebastian started, but Ciel cut him off.

"I'm not hungry." He said coldly. The demon butler sighed once again.

"Master, you mustn't starve yourself like this. You're thin as a sheet and pale as a ghost. It's not healthy-"

"Oh what do you care?" Ciel snapped, crossing his arms around his waist. "It's not like I matter to anybody anyway." Sebastian gasped. He was confused as to why his master would say such things. He simply had no reason to. The demon had cared about him as much as his own parents would. He cared enough to stay by his side through everything.

"Ciel…" Sebastian said quietly. It was the first time he had spoken the child's name aloud. Ciel inhaled sharply. His eyes were brimming with tears. He bit down on his lip and turned his head away_. What a shameful name, _He thought to himself as he began to back away from the entryway. He reached out to grab the doorknob, but he felt a strong hand grab his wrist. He looked up and saw Sebastian. His face was etched with sadness and concern.

"I care…"

Ciel couldn't take it anymore. He let heart break in front of Sebastian. Because, perhaps the only way to be fixed is to be broken. His knees buckles under him and he fell to the floor. His small palms covered his eyes and he sobbed into them. He heard footsteps and the felt a rush of air. Two hands gripped his own, slowly but carefully, as if he might shatter, pulling them away and exposing his reddened and tear soaked face. Sebastian looked deep into Ciel's eyes. Right to his very soul. The without warning, he pulled the child in, holding him close to his chest. Ciel cried into the fabric of his butler's shirt.

"P-please," he said, his voiced muffled but still audible, "Please, never l-leave me Sebastian. N-never leave me."

Ciel let his heart break for Sebastian, because perhaps the only way to be fixed, is to be broken by the one you love the most.


End file.
